But I Am Right!

The other day I quietly observed a parent-child conversation.  From what I noticed, this is a relationship where both deeply love and care for each other.  The conversation went back and forth about who is taller. After watching this for some time, I decided to jump in and ask, how does it matter who is taller.  As soon as I finished, I heard this immediate reply "But I am Right".

As I later reflected on this, I wondered: Where in our growth and development it happens that we get so set on being right and making sure others know that?  Then as we go through life, how often is it that we get so caught up in proving we're right that we lose sight of the bigger picture and what truly matters, and what does being right cost us in comparison to the benefits? What would our lives be like if we focused less on our being right and instead more on making others right?  And if we couldn't or were not able to help make others right, atleast just stop focusing so much on making sure others know we're right? 

Afterall, who do you want to be around?  Someone who is constantly trying to prove they are right? Or someone who supports you and acknowledges that you are right?

Are You Behaving Like a Fly?

In the book You2, author Price Pritchett shares a story of a fly.  Pritchett one day observes a fly frantically buzzing around the room looking for a way out.  After buzzing around for some time, the fly sees a window and heads straight for it.  Not noticing the clear windowpane it slams into it and falls to the floor.

After some time it gets up, again starts to frantically buzz around, again slams into the windowpane, and again falls down.  This behavior repeats until the fly finally runs out of energy, collapses, and dies.

What the fly did not notice all the while is that right next to the closed window, was an open door.  Had it slightly shifted and saw the open door, it would have flown right out of the room.

As with this fly, how often do we become so set in our ways and continue to do the same thing even though it does not yield results we desire?  And in spite of all signs pointing to the need for us change, we simply refuse to?

So like this fly should have, what do you need to change?  What's the one shift you need to make that will move you forward and get you what you desire?

To Speak, or Not to Speak!

I have noticed that each time I have gotten what I want, its because I said something.  I have also noticed that whenever I have gotten what I don't want, its then also because I said something. 

Indeed its true that it is through language we create and generate our future.

How about for you?  What have you noticed in regards to your relationship between what and how you say what you say and the results you achieve in your life?  And what do you need to say (or not say) today to create the future you want tomorrow?

Just Stop It - The Sequal!

Several months ago, I asked a CEO whom I greatly respect, what can one do to become more effective?  His reply was "do more of what works and less of what doesn't".  The more I reflected on his response, the more I realized how profound his words were.

I than asked myself, where does one start.  Focusing more on doing more of what works, or less of what doesn't?  The more I thought about this, and seeing how stretched and stressed many of our lives are already, the more I came to see that if we simply stop doing what doesn't work, that alone will help us increase our effectiveness.  Not only will this give us more space in our lives, which I believe is important to our well-being, it will also allow us to focus more of our time, energy and resources on what does work.

With this said, here are some suggestions:

1. Look at your To Do List and your calendar.  What do you have on there that no longer makes sense.  Once you have identified these items, just stop 'em.  In-terms of previous commitments, as far as possible, renegotiate them.  You can do this.  It's OK. 
2. Look at your various involvements. For example projects, committees, and other initiatives.  For those that no longer make sense, find a way to let them go.
3. Consider the people with whom you interact.  Among them, do you have individuals with negative attitudes, who continue to suck up your time, energy and resources, leaving you drained and tired?  These often are the people who also don't help you move forward in any significant way and they refuse to change.  I say move 'em on.  The more I see and experience as I go about my days the more wisdom I see in the statement "Sometimes its easier to change people than it is to change people".  

Look, this is your life and you get to choose.  So if you agree with what I have shared in this post, than follow the suggestions listed above.  Whatever no longer works and doesn't move you forward, simply Just Stop It!

Just Stop It!

I am returning to my blog after nearly six months.  On the professional front, I have been very busy with my participating in Georgetown University's Leadership Coaching Program as well as coaching emerging leaders, executives and professionals who are wanting to become more effective, get to the next level, while achieving greater work/life balance.

Through my work, I have come to an important realization, both through self-observation as well as observing and coaching others.  It is this. Achieving happiness and success in life is often less a function of what we say, and instead more a function of what we don't say.  In other words, when we simply stop saying and doing things that annoy and irritate others, that itself leads us to experiencing greater joy and success.

How is that?

Since we achieve what we want to achieve mostly by and through working with others, strong relationships become very important.  Therefore, it is not just nice but critical that we stop saying or doing anything that negatively impacts our valued relationships.  This includes for example, stopping:

• Interrupting others when they are talking
• Making negative remarks about others
• Making hurtful comments
• Using inappropriate language
• Putting people on the spot, calling them out in front of others
• Rolling eyes, smacking lips, drumming figures, and other similar behaviors that publicly and openly convey disapproval and impatience
• Making others wrong
• Putting others down 
• Trying to show how smart we are and how much we know, especially when done at the expense of others
• Passing judgement
• Speaking when upset and angry
• Making excuses
• Needless arguing and trying to prove we're right

These are just some examples of what I am referring to.  So the next time you get the urge to say something, stop for a moment and ask yourself, why am I talking?  Is what I want to say really worth it?  Will it truly help the other?

Whenever in doubt, my guidance is to "Just Stop It".

Selling for Introverts: To Succeed, First Sell Yourself To Your Toughest Critic!

Yes, you read the subject line correctly.  In order to succeed in selling, or anything for that matter, you must first sell you to you.  In the context of selling, this means you must answer with an affirmative yes, with complete honesty, the following 3 questions:

• Do you see yourself selling, and that too what you're selling and to whom?
• Do you believe in yourself and your selling abilities?  If not completely, are you absolutely committed to working on yourself and doing whatever it takes to improve?
• Do you see how your selling will help you live the life you want to live?

You see, when I failed in my first sales job with the oil company that I talked about the other day, truth be told, there was nothing wrong with the organization, nor the job.  Rather the problem was me.  At the time, I just didn't see myself in selling, I lacked self-confidence, and I doubted my selling abilities.  In addition, that was my first job out of college and at the time I was a 5'5"125 lbs skinny little dude (why I share this will make sense as you read the next paragraph).  More then my size, I was just immature, plain and simple. 

And yet I was calling on bunch of rough and tough contractors who were much bigger than me, they had seen life in ways I hadn't, and in many ways they grew up in a different world than I had.  Given my immaturity and lack of self-confidence, I not only felt intimidated by them, I felt I didn't fit in.  Thus the foundation on which I was trying to do my work was weak at best.  I had gone into something, while I had the intellectual capacity, in many other ways I just wasn't ready at that time. 

This is a realization that occurred to me much later in life as I gained professional and life experience. And it took me even longer to accept and verbalize what I just shared. Thus, given my experience and lessons learned, I can say with complete certainty that if you're about to enter sales, or are having a tough time in your current sales role, I would urge you to reflect on the above questions and answer them with complete honesty.  Then from your answers you'll know what you need to do next in order to succeed.

So again, if you're going to succeed in selling, remember that you must first face and sell yourself to your toughest critic, your toughest prospect. And that is first you must sell you to you. Once you do that, and do it with absolute conviction, you will then have a strong foundation on which to build your sales career and achieve lasting success.

Selling for Introverts: Quiet Persistence Breaks Down Resistance

In my post From Dog Food to Filet Mignon, I share my selling journey as an introvert and how I went from failure to success.  In this post, I want to continue and share some additional lessons from my selling journey.

When I returned to selling the second time, 10 years after having failed the first time, I still hadn't really learned how to sell, nor about target marketing, defining a niche, speaking, writing, serving on committees, and so on--elements I talk about in my post From Dog Food to Filet Mignon.  These elements came much later in my selling journey, as I gained experience and learned more about selling.

When I went back into sales, I began by selling door to door, calling on local businesses.  I didn't know any other way.  And I figured that I have to start somewhere and at the time door to door method seemed as good as any.  So I mustered up my inner strength, grabbed my bag and off I went.

I would begin each day visiting high rise office buildings. In each building, starting with the top floor, I would visit each company on each floor asking the receptionist who buys their printing.  If he/she gave me a name, I would leave a handwritten note for that person letting them know I stopped by and that I would call them later to request a meeting.  Then when I returned to the office, I would type out letters and mail 'em out to these folks, reintroducing myself.   Then few days later I would follow-up with a phone call to request the meeting.  Of course, I heard the usual objections and faced numerous rejections.  Still, along the way I also got some meetings, by following this system day after day.

In those cases where the receptionists didn't give me the name of the buyers during my initial visits, I would call them back at lunch hour. At that time usually a temp was covering the desk.  These temps were more than happy to talk and would freely give out information.  So that would get me what I needed to start with within those companies and I would be back in the game.

Given I was selling door to door, and that many buildings had "No Soliciting" signs, there were also times I would be escorted out the buildings by security guards.  But hey, buildings are permanent, security guards are not.  In those situations, I would simply go back some time later and often there would be new guards who wouldn't recognize me.

In addition to above, if I didn't get a meeting, I would keep revisiting the offices and over time that too would lead to some opening.  Either they felt sorry for me, just got tired of seeing me, or whatever.  It didn't matter. I eventually got my foot into many doors this way in many places, and that's what mattered.  It frequently started with a small job. Then as relationships strengthened, larger sized and repetitive orders followed.

So what's my point in this post?  Their are several and they are:

1. Don't let anyone ever tell you that introverts can't sell.  We can, we do, and we do it very well, in the right environment. 
2. Don't ever tell yourself that you can't do something.  That's hiding behind "That's how I am".  No you're not.  Those are stories we tell ourselves and they don't serve us.  Look, I am introvert. Even though the above was uncomfortable, tough to do, and very unnatural for me, once mind was put to it, it got done.  It was simply a matter of will.  In addition, failure was not an option.  I had resigned from my well-paying secure government job to go into business and there was no turning back. I had to succeed. Plus, truth be told, I hate to lose.
3. When you're feeling stuck, unsure what step to take, just do something. Some action is better then no action.
4. Don't strive for perfection but rather continuous improvements.  Many introverts are notorious for perfecting and they'll do something only after it's perfect.  And since it's never perfect, no action is ever taken. And that results in no results.  Therefore, strive instead for improving. As long as what you do today is better then yesterday, and what you do tomorrow is better then today, you're doing great.
5. Follow a sales process, a system.  It'll keep you focused and on track.
6. Don't let anyone defeat you.  The only person who can defeat you is you.  If you decide to succeed, you will.  It may not necessarily happen on your time frame. But if you hang in there long enough, keep showing up, consistently keep doing what you need to do, success will follow. 
7. Be creative, be persistence.  If you can't get in the front door, try the back door.  If the back door doesn't work, try the window.  If the window doesn't work, try the attic.  If that doesn't work, dig a tunnel.  Look, where there is a will, there is a way.

Bottom line is that persistence is a key element of selling.  And we introverts have this natural talent where we can focus and stick to something for a long time.  So leverage this natural strength of yours and quietly persist my introverted friends.  Then success is simply a matter of time.  Guaranteed.