Sunday, July 29, 2012

Just Stop It!

I am returning to my blog after nearly six months.  On the professional front, I have been very busy with my participating in Georgetown University's Leadership Coaching Program as well as coaching emerging leaders, executives and professionals who are wanting to become more effective, get to the next level, while achieving greater work/life balance.

Through my work, I have come to an important realization, both through self-observation as well as observing and coaching others.  It is this. Achieving happiness and success in life is often less a function of what we say, and instead more a function of what we don't say.  In other words, when we simply stop saying and doing things that annoy and irritate others, that itself leads us to experiencing greater joy and success.

How is that?

Since we achieve what we want to achieve mostly by and through working with others, strong relationships become very important.  Therefore, it is not just nice but critical that we stop saying or doing anything that negatively impacts our valued relationships.  This includes for example, stopping:
  • Interrupting others when they are talking
  • Making negative remarks about others
  • Making hurtful comments
  • Using inappropriate language
  • Putting people on the spot, calling them out in front of others
  • Rolling eyes, smacking lips, drumming figures, and other similar behaviors that publicly and openly convey disapproval and impatience
  • Making others wrong
  • Putting others down 
  • Trying to show how smart we are and how much we know, especially when done at the expense of others
  • Passing judgement
  • Speaking when upset and angry
  • Making excuses
  • Needless arguing and trying to prove we're right
These are just some examples of what I am referring to.  So the next time you get the urge to say something, stop for a moment and ask yourself, why am I talking?  Is what I want to say really worth it?  Will it truly help the other?

Whenever in doubt, my guidance is to "Just Stop It".

1 comment:

Tony Rossell said...

Glad to see that you are blogging again. You comments made me think of Tom Peters who has a very good PowerPoint on the web related to listening. The link is below. Tony