To Speak, or Not to Speak!

I have noticed that each time I have gotten what I want, its because I said something.  I have also noticed that whenever I have gotten what I don't want, its then also because I said something. 

Indeed its true that it is through language we create and generate our future.

How about for you?  What have you noticed in regards to your relationship between what and how you say what you say and the results you achieve in your life?  And what do you need to say (or not say) today to create the future you want tomorrow?

Just Stop It - The Sequal!

Several months ago, I asked a CEO whom I greatly respect, what can one do to become more effective?  His reply was "do more of what works and less of what doesn't".  The more I reflected on his response, the more I realized how profound his words were.

I than asked myself, where does one start.  Focusing more on doing more of what works, or less of what doesn't?  The more I thought about this, and seeing how stretched and stressed many of our lives are already, the more I came to see that if we simply stop doing what doesn't work, that alone will help us increase our effectiveness.  Not only will this give us more space in our lives, which I believe is important to our well-being, it will also allow us to focus more of our time, energy and resources on what does work.

With this said, here are some suggestions:

1. Look at your To Do List and your calendar.  What do you have on there that no longer makes sense.  Once you have identified these items, just stop 'em.  In-terms of previous commitments, as far as possible, renegotiate them.  You can do this.  It's OK. 
2. Look at your various involvements. For example projects, committees, and other initiatives.  For those that no longer make sense, find a way to let them go.
3. Consider the people with whom you interact.  Among them, do you have individuals with negative attitudes, who continue to suck up your time, energy and resources, leaving you drained and tired?  These often are the people who also don't help you move forward in any significant way and they refuse to change.  I say move 'em on.  The more I see and experience as I go about my days the more wisdom I see in the statement "Sometimes its easier to change people than it is to change people".  

Look, this is your life and you get to choose.  So if you agree with what I have shared in this post, than follow the suggestions listed above.  Whatever no longer works and doesn't move you forward, simply Just Stop It!

Just Stop It!

I am returning to my blog after nearly six months.  On the professional front, I have been very busy with my participating in Georgetown University's Leadership Coaching Program as well as coaching emerging leaders, executives and professionals who are wanting to become more effective, get to the next level, while achieving greater work/life balance.

Through my work, I have come to an important realization, both through self-observation as well as observing and coaching others.  It is this. Achieving happiness and success in life is often less a function of what we say, and instead more a function of what we don't say.  In other words, when we simply stop saying and doing things that annoy and irritate others, that itself leads us to experiencing greater joy and success.

How is that?

Since we achieve what we want to achieve mostly by and through working with others, strong relationships become very important.  Therefore, it is not just nice but critical that we stop saying or doing anything that negatively impacts our valued relationships.  This includes for example, stopping:

• Interrupting others when they are talking
• Making negative remarks about others
• Making hurtful comments
• Using inappropriate language
• Putting people on the spot, calling them out in front of others
• Rolling eyes, smacking lips, drumming figures, and other similar behaviors that publicly and openly convey disapproval and impatience
• Making others wrong
• Putting others down 
• Trying to show how smart we are and how much we know, especially when done at the expense of others
• Passing judgement
• Speaking when upset and angry
• Making excuses
• Needless arguing and trying to prove we're right

These are just some examples of what I am referring to.  So the next time you get the urge to say something, stop for a moment and ask yourself, why am I talking?  Is what I want to say really worth it?  Will it truly help the other?

Whenever in doubt, my guidance is to "Just Stop It".

Selling for Introverts: To Succeed, First Sell Yourself To Your Toughest Critic!

Yes, you read the subject line correctly.  In order to succeed in selling, or anything for that matter, you must first sell you to you.  In the context of selling, this means you must answer with an affirmative yes, with complete honesty, the following 3 questions:

• Do you see yourself selling, and that too what you're selling and to whom?
• Do you believe in yourself and your selling abilities?  If not completely, are you absolutely committed to working on yourself and doing whatever it takes to improve?
• Do you see how your selling will help you live the life you want to live?

You see, when I failed in my first sales job with the oil company that I talked about the other day, truth be told, there was nothing wrong with the organization, nor the job.  Rather the problem was me.  At the time, I just didn't see myself in selling, I lacked self-confidence, and I doubted my selling abilities.  In addition, that was my first job out of college and at the time I was a 5'5"125 lbs skinny little dude (why I share this will make sense as you read the next paragraph).  More then my size, I was just immature, plain and simple. 

And yet I was calling on bunch of rough and tough contractors who were much bigger than me, they had seen life in ways I hadn't, and in many ways they grew up in a different world than I had.  Given my immaturity and lack of self-confidence, I not only felt intimidated by them, I felt I didn't fit in.  Thus the foundation on which I was trying to do my work was weak at best.  I had gone into something, while I had the intellectual capacity, in many other ways I just wasn't ready at that time. 

This is a realization that occurred to me much later in life as I gained professional and life experience. And it took me even longer to accept and verbalize what I just shared. Thus, given my experience and lessons learned, I can say with complete certainty that if you're about to enter sales, or are having a tough time in your current sales role, I would urge you to reflect on the above questions and answer them with complete honesty.  Then from your answers you'll know what you need to do next in order to succeed.

So again, if you're going to succeed in selling, remember that you must first face and sell yourself to your toughest critic, your toughest prospect. And that is first you must sell you to you. Once you do that, and do it with absolute conviction, you will then have a strong foundation on which to build your sales career and achieve lasting success.

Selling for Introverts: Quiet Persistence Breaks Down Resistance

In my post From Dog Food to Filet Mignon, I share my selling journey as an introvert and how I went from failure to success.  In this post, I want to continue and share some additional lessons from my selling journey.

When I returned to selling the second time, 10 years after having failed the first time, I still hadn't really learned how to sell, nor about target marketing, defining a niche, speaking, writing, serving on committees, and so on--elements I talk about in my post From Dog Food to Filet Mignon.  These elements came much later in my selling journey, as I gained experience and learned more about selling.

When I went back into sales, I began by selling door to door, calling on local businesses.  I didn't know any other way.  And I figured that I have to start somewhere and at the time door to door method seemed as good as any.  So I mustered up my inner strength, grabbed my bag and off I went.

I would begin each day visiting high rise office buildings. In each building, starting with the top floor, I would visit each company on each floor asking the receptionist who buys their printing.  If he/she gave me a name, I would leave a handwritten note for that person letting them know I stopped by and that I would call them later to request a meeting.  Then when I returned to the office, I would type out letters and mail 'em out to these folks, reintroducing myself.   Then few days later I would follow-up with a phone call to request the meeting.  Of course, I heard the usual objections and faced numerous rejections.  Still, along the way I also got some meetings, by following this system day after day.

In those cases where the receptionists didn't give me the name of the buyers during my initial visits, I would call them back at lunch hour. At that time usually a temp was covering the desk.  These temps were more than happy to talk and would freely give out information.  So that would get me what I needed to start with within those companies and I would be back in the game.

Given I was selling door to door, and that many buildings had "No Soliciting" signs, there were also times I would be escorted out the buildings by security guards.  But hey, buildings are permanent, security guards are not.  In those situations, I would simply go back some time later and often there would be new guards who wouldn't recognize me.

In addition to above, if I didn't get a meeting, I would keep revisiting the offices and over time that too would lead to some opening.  Either they felt sorry for me, just got tired of seeing me, or whatever.  It didn't matter. I eventually got my foot into many doors this way in many places, and that's what mattered.  It frequently started with a small job. Then as relationships strengthened, larger sized and repetitive orders followed.

So what's my point in this post?  Their are several and they are:

1. Don't let anyone ever tell you that introverts can't sell.  We can, we do, and we do it very well, in the right environment. 
2. Don't ever tell yourself that you can't do something.  That's hiding behind "That's how I am".  No you're not.  Those are stories we tell ourselves and they don't serve us.  Look, I am introvert. Even though the above was uncomfortable, tough to do, and very unnatural for me, once mind was put to it, it got done.  It was simply a matter of will.  In addition, failure was not an option.  I had resigned from my well-paying secure government job to go into business and there was no turning back. I had to succeed. Plus, truth be told, I hate to lose.
3. When you're feeling stuck, unsure what step to take, just do something. Some action is better then no action.
4. Don't strive for perfection but rather continuous improvements.  Many introverts are notorious for perfecting and they'll do something only after it's perfect.  And since it's never perfect, no action is ever taken. And that results in no results.  Therefore, strive instead for improving. As long as what you do today is better then yesterday, and what you do tomorrow is better then today, you're doing great.
5. Follow a sales process, a system.  It'll keep you focused and on track.
6. Don't let anyone defeat you.  The only person who can defeat you is you.  If you decide to succeed, you will.  It may not necessarily happen on your time frame. But if you hang in there long enough, keep showing up, consistently keep doing what you need to do, success will follow. 
7. Be creative, be persistence.  If you can't get in the front door, try the back door.  If the back door doesn't work, try the window.  If the window doesn't work, try the attic.  If that doesn't work, dig a tunnel.  Look, where there is a will, there is a way.

Bottom line is that persistence is a key element of selling.  And we introverts have this natural talent where we can focus and stick to something for a long time.  So leverage this natural strength of yours and quietly persist my introverted friends.  Then success is simply a matter of time.  Guaranteed.

From Dog Food to Filet Mignon: My Selling Journey As An Introvert

Are you a highly educated introverted professional who is required to sell your services and meet revenue goals, as part of your job?  Do you ever doubt yourself and your abilities to sell?  Do you feel uncomfortable with the idea of selling, and being viewed as a sales person? When it comes to selling, many introverts doubt their abilities to sell.  I used to be one of them.

My very first job out of college was as a Sales Engineer for a major oil company.  Landing on the job, after receiving some initial product training, I was given a car, a territory, a map, and told go at it.  I was to call on contractors selling commodity items that included fuels and lubricants for heavy machinery.  While I was thrilled to have a company car, it was not exactly what I expected the job to be. It was frankly a pure selling role. Never figured out at the time where the engineer part was that was also part of the job title.

In any event, thinking sales people are supposed to be outgoing and that it's about fast talking, back slapping, shooting the breeze, I tried to do all that.  I even grew a mustache so I would look older than I did at the time, so people would take me seriously.  In hind site, I must have looked awfully stupid because as an introvert, such behavior is so counter to who I am.

Nearly every day frankly in that job was a misery, and I hated it.  While I loved the part about learning and meeting people, I just couldn't get used to idea of me selling.  And frankly I hadn't gone to college and studied Chemical Engineering only to then become a salesman.  But I loved the car and I was finally making some money, and so was too hesitant to quit.  Finally, much to my relief, my employer kicked my behind out the door.  While it hurt my ego, I said to myself "Thank God".  And I wowed never to go into sales again.  (Though I failed at the time, it would be decades later I would come to see this part of my career as a gift.  That's a topic for another time however.)

Well, as they say, never say never. Ten years later, I was back doing Business-to-Business sales, and it is here I came to see that in the right place with the right offerings, we introverts can really sell and do it very well.  In this new role, I decided to just be myself, and it worked.  As a result of some steps, which I learned through many trials and errors, I ended up enjoying numerous referrals, highest margins, strong client retention, and remained top producer for a long time. 

How did I succeed in sales the second time?  Here it is:

• Gained Expertise: Having a passion for learning, I spent countless hours learning about all aspects of the business. I become an expert in the business, in what we were selling, and to whom I was selling.  I learned the ins and outs of what I sold, how it was produced, and how our offerings benefited our customers.  This also meant I made the time to understand who our ideal customers were, what challenges they were facing, how our offerings helped them, and what made us different-unique from our competitors.

• Freely Shared Expertise:  As I enjoy writing and sharing knowledge, I wrote articles, participated actively in various electronic discussion groups, developed and delivered training courses.  These writings led to my being invited to serve on various committees and speak at conferences.  In the process I came to know many people within my target market, and more importantly they came to know me.  All this contributed to my establishing visibility, credibility, and trust.

• Asked for Face-2-Face Meetings:  This is one area I had to push myself out of my comfort zone.  Given people within my target market were coming to know me through above mentioned activities, getting meetings became easier, over time.  Still, I had to make conscious effort to reach out and ask for meetings, for business, for opportunities to serve.  Initially this was very uncomfortable and over time with practice it became easier.  

• Helped Solve Problems:  I enjoy helping people solve problems.  Therefore, in meetings, I never tried to sell.  Frankly I couldn't do it even if I tried.  Instead I asked numerous questions, took time to probe to understand clients' needs and challenges. Then when it made sense I helped them understand how what we offered could help them.  In other words, selling happened when it made sense and this naturally led to business.  Of course there were many times I had to still ask for the business. But when the value was clear, it really wasn't very difficult to do.

• Built Strong Relationships:  As I like people, many of my clients in time also became my close friends. Though I am no longer in that business, some remain close friends to this day.  Building such relationships made business more enjoyable and led to much more business too, from both existing clients and their colleagues who were referred to me.

• Went Deep, Went Wide: As client relationships became stronger, I was given opportunities to help them solve more and more problems they were facing across various departments.  This led to my taking more of my offerings deeper into my clients' organizations.  This not only helped them, it also led to relationships becoming more "sticky", i.e. making me less likely to be displaced by a competitor.

• Remained Curious, Constantly Asked Questions:  By on-goingly asking clients questions such as "how am I doing?" and "what more can I do for you?", they gave me lots of feedback, which we used to make improvements and develop additional offerings. They told me what's important to them, what they need, what made us stand out from the competition, and so on. In essence, customers told me how to sell to them and what to sell.  Doesn't get any better then this.

Bottom line is that introverts can and do absolutely succeed in selling.  So if you're an introverted professional who is required to sell and generate revenue as part of your role, fear not.  If I can do it, you can too.  Just be yourself, and just do it.  Leverage your natural strengths, take types of steps I shared above, and success will follow in due time.  I can guarantee it.

An Introvert's 5-Step Process to Becoming A Better Listener!

I was recently asked, "How do I become a better listener?"  Given that I find many who are so busy running their mouths and pushing to get their points heard, I wonder at times if talking is a national sport that I don't know about.

Becoming a great listener is really a very simple process, yet one that's not always so easy to follow.  It's a process many introverts are naturally great at and with practice, even talkative ones can master it, if they choose to. Here it is:

1. Stop doing what you're doing
2. Make gentle eye contact (not stare)
3. Open your ears
4. Shut your mouth, and keep it shut. Do not interrupt.
5. When the person finishes saying what they want to say, before responding, pause for a few moments. Similarly, after you ask a question, remain silent giving the other person time they need to formulate their thoughts and respond.  Silence is a very powerful force that's very much a critical part of being a great listener.

Now you may ask what do you do when you're in the middle of something that you absolutely must attend to right then, and someone comes into your office and starts talking.  I can totally relate to this for at times I am in the middle of a deep thought and someone just walks in and starts talking without first asking me if I have a moments to chat.  It really bugs me.

For such moments, when I really am not able to give undivided attention, or don't want to get away from what I am focused on, I have learned to say something like: "I really want to hear what you have to say.  If it can wait just a bit, may I please finish this and then I'll be able to provide you my undivided attention."  I find people appreciate and respect this.  Plus, it's a better option then trying to do what you're doing and at the same trying to listen.  Just not possible and no one feels satisfied in such an exchange. You end up feeling stressed and the other person generally ends up thinking you're insensitive (or some other choice words they use for such instances) for your not paying attention to them. 

(I must come clean here though and admit that I have been there, trying to do both, and in the process having been labeled as such.  Just ask my wife and my kids, who are my 3 biggest supporters and also my biggest critics. Trust me, they don't mince words.)

On the flip side, this also means that when you have something to say, before going right into your spiel, ask the other person first if they have a few moments. Only if they say yes, then go into what you want to say.  If they say no, not right now, respect their space and come back to them at another time.

Go ahead, give it a try.